Performative Living is Killing You

The biggest takeaway I have received from my few years of my twenties is that the belief that your adulthood is about finding yourself is a hoax. Like many ideologies you have been sold in your lifetime, the idea that you need to run away to discover or find your true self is a lie. If you truly want to enjoy the early years of your adulthood you need to find what you genuinely enjoy, not what you think you should enjoy. So much of adolescence is spent pretending to be someone you aren’t to feel seen or understood. The only true way to be seen for who you are is to be yourself. It’s clichéd because it’s true - hence why it's so hard for people to accept and actively make change.

I was inspired to write this blog because I found myself pitying my situation, wishing I had the answers to some of life’s oldest yet most fundamental questions: Who am I? What do I believe in? What's the point? But the truth is I know who exactly I am, what I believe in, and what my point is- at least I hope. I am not one thing, and neither are you. Stop trying to limit and label yourself in this way. Your twenties are not so much about finding yourself, but rather being honest with what you truly want, then allowing yourself to evolve into the “you” you’re so desperately searching so deeply for, revealing exactly who you are. Performative living is killing you softly, in a polarized world it's hard to stand strong on your beliefs and opinions- now more than ever, however, it's necessary.

Do you feel stuck in place? Are you growing roots in an inconsistent environment? Grasping at any sign from the universe on how to make a change? Tarot card readings, horoscopes, faith, or whatever pressure you put on the universe to answer your cold calls has a time and place. When it comes to finding yourself and digging yourself out of a rut, the only answer is way closer than you think. It's just you. From your breakfast to the music you listen to on your way to work, are you actively choosing to do what you enjoy or what you think you’re supposed to enjoy because trends have told you to?

Performative politics and performative preferences have become increasingly prevalent in society, especially with the rise of social media, which extends beyond just entertainment. It’s now nearly impossible to escape the cycle of trends and fluctuating opinions. Relying solely on others' words to form your own opinions and beliefs is unwise. If you struggle to establish your moral compass, as well as your likes, dislikes, passions, and hobbies, how can you expect to live comfortably? Embracing what you enjoy is essential in shaping your identity; pretending to be someone you’re not only casts you as the villain. It’s important to recognize that it's not others' fault for perceiving you in this way.

As a society we love labels, we look forward to putting people in boxes and limiting their livelihood, yet the moment someone does it to us we push back and start to play defense. Nobody wants to be perceived incorrectly and yet it's still going to happen regardless. Rather than placing your effort and focus into proving yourself to others, imagine if you spent that time experiencing life and presenting yourself authentically.

Positive motivation on the internet is becoming increasingly rare. The rise of conservatism and anti-intellectualism has led to media encouraging women to focus on restrictive diets and excessive workouts to appeal to men, disguising this as "choice feminism." Meanwhile, men are often motivated by peers who encourage disrespect towards women to feel powerful. This harmful rhetoric is tied to the acceptance of "traditional values." To counter these messages, it's crucial to define your beliefs and goals instead of following trends on platforms like TikTok or participating in social movements without making a genuine contribution.

Performing is not living and with the pressure and prison of cameras and social media, you have to acknowledge that. Soul searching is a lot more self-reflecting than it is self-discovery. Reflecting on who you are and want to be; your core belief system and whether or not it's yours or what someone placed upon you; your passions and goals that make you feel genuine joy. You are not one thing, you are an amalgamation of everything you've experienced and loved, even hated. If you don't want to be labeled as one thing, why must you do it to others?

At the end of the day, regardless of whether you're in your twenties soul searching or just trying to get by, the best way to do so is by being yourself. We are all overcompensating for things, and there is seemingly no end to the list of social norms we must be aware of. But any coming-of-age story is going to tell you the same thing: performative living is killing you. Your choices matter, your beliefs matter, and your actions and words matter. Navigating the path to what you truly want can be challenging, especially when it conflicts with what you've been led to believe. This journey takes time but offers the greatest rewards.

Anyone who says nothing matters, we're literally on a floating rock in space is small-minded. Why choose to diminish the value of a finite life? Why diminish the history of humankind? Why diminish your own existence and the possibilities and privileges you may be afforded in it? Of all the things you could do or accomplish, you choose to reduce the gift of living to an inanimate object- when the truth is that floating rock you speak of is the vehicle for everything you have ever known and loved past, present, and future.

You matter; your life matters, your ability to have choice matters; your freedom matters; your passions matter; everything matters because if it doesn't we have nothing. When you take away value and purpose from other people's livelihood you take away value and purpose from your own. Live for you, not the imagined them. Dig deeper when you're soul searching or looking for answers, they're not out there, they're in here (I pointed to my chest).

Till next time, stay flirty, stay thirsty, and stay focused on you and your fulfillment, not fulfilling yourself for others to hopefully watch and gawk at. They'll watch anyway, you might as well show them who you are and what you stand for. In the wise words of Hamilton, "If you stand for nothing Burr what do you fall for?" Stand strong in your beliefs, goals, and passions- they matter. Live for you, not the imagined them.

See you soon,

Paige B.