A Letter to Soon to Be College Grads: Slow Down

When I was in 7th grade my English teacher assigned us to write a letter to our future 18 year old selves. In that letter I wrote that I hoped I was a famous actress attending NYU, I had my own home, and I was dating Hayes Grier from Magcon. At the time I assumed turning 18 was the pinnacle of freedom, adulthood, and success. That’s what I’d seen in the movies, that’s what I’d been told by my peers, that’s what the American education system led me to believe. That at 18 years of age I would have it all figured out; I’d know what I want to do with my life, and more importantly how to live that life. So imagine my surprise when I graduated high school during a pandemic, not having even applied to NYU, and obviously not in a relationship with an internet celebrity— or anyone for that matter.

My entire childhood into adolescence was motivated by the idea that I could accomplish anything I wanted, and I wanted to be star. I wanted to be the girl who got plucked off the street and given an entire lifestyle makeover. I wanted to be an actress and icon like Chloe Sevigny, or a YouTube star turned mainstream mogul like Emma Chamberlain. In all honesty that maybe could’ve happened if I tried at all, but I didn’t. The truth is, I had no clue what I really wanted—not just because I was 18 (and let’s be honest, no one knows shit at 18), but because I was too damn stubborn to listen to anyone who did. It took way longer than I’d ever imagined to finally take the gracious advice that’s been given to me over the years, and though I can look back and get angry at my own procrastination I believe time is the greatest gift any of us can be given; especially in regards to figuring out your shit.

At the time of me typing this I am 22 years old, employed, and actively working to achieve my dreams and it only took me 10 months post college graduation to get here. For those of you who are lucky and have all your shit figured out, congratulations; for the rest of you who are like me and perhaps a little worrisome about the future I thought I’d offer some honest wisdom to those of you on the verge of closing that same chapter. So grab a drink and get comfortable cause this could get existential- the months following college graduation were absolutely awful for me but they don’t have to be, you are in control of your future and time is on your side- but you have to be honest with yourself. Let’s be real, there’s nothing honest about owning a home or dating an influencer at 18 nor 22 if you’re not actively in search of that. Cin Cin let’s begin!

I’m sure you have heard the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy,” but I am here to tell you comparison is not only the thief of joy, it is also a murderer! Whether you’re doom scrolling on social media, or stalking peers on LinkedIn, comparing your situation to that of the people surrounding you is always a recipe for disaster. After I graduated college and suddenly lost my job I was distraught because so many of my peers or mutuals were getting these amazing opportunities for work. The reality is that they we’re no better nor worse that myself in any aspect, they were just working harder to achieve their goals whilst I was sulking in a “woe is me” fashion. Similarly with NYU, I was so upset that other people I knew had moved to the city for college and I didn’t- but how could I when I never applied there? If you want something you have to go and get it, of course there are external factors of privilege and maybe nepotism and you have every right to be upset by those systems. At some point however you’re going to have to realize that complaining and comparing aren’t going to get you any closer to your goals, whatever they may be; and as awful as it is to hear, time is on your side.

You are not running out of time. I need you to take a deep breath and let it go, no seriously try it. You are not running out of time, is patience a virtue? Yes. Is patience also a pain in the ass? Absolutely. But anyone who has ever achieved anything will tell you that it takes time to get there. It is up you though how much time it takes, not by any metric system but in terms of “longer” or “shorter”.

Here are some examples:

If you want an internship or position at your dream company but you refuse to apply to any programs will it take longer or shorter to get there?

If you have dreams of an unconventional career path and you’re actively taking steps in the direction of that career will it take longer or shorter to get there?

If you need to save money for a car and decide to take an autumnal trip to Europe will it take longer or shorter to get there?

You are in control of your future, you have to ask yourself what do you want and how you will get there. There is not always gonna be a mentor or a friend to coddle you through life which is why it is important to not only surround yourself with good friends, but good people who encourage you to succeed and tell you when you’re wrong. I encourage anyone, not just soon to be college grads, to find a group of friends or community outside of your tight-knit circle from school. Get out of your comfort zone and be open to meeting new people, especially those who will help you grow and hold you accountable. Oftentimes our besties don’t do that, and that’s okay, but surrounding yourself with yes men or women isn’t always good for growth and it’s especially bad for accountability. That being said you don’t have to surround yourself with Debby downers or negative Nancys, they’re often bitter and jealous and bad for your mental health. As you get older its natural for friendships to fade, but it is also natural to cling onto comfort and keep not-so-good folks around because it’s easier than having that kind of conversation.

On that same note of accountability you should be updating your resume/CV/portfolio regularly. Just because you’re employed now doesn’t mean your safe. Have those documents at the ready at all times, opportunity could come knocking any time and when it does you don’t want to be caught with your pants down in public. The job market sucks quite frankly and what sucks even more is applying for positions that don’t pay well or have any benefits. It is both normal and okay to have a random job after college to make ends meet, it’s quite rare actually to graduate and have a steady salary in your desired field. Calm down, you’re not running out of time or socially inept in anyway, just because someone has a job doesn’t mean they are fulfilled or happy. Be honest with yourself and what you want and work towards it, and build up those soft skills in tandem with the hard ones.

While you’re at it get a hobby outside your career or social circle. I implore you, find something for you and only you when you need a break or a distraction from the harsh realities of the world. Hobbies can be free like reading, walking, doodling- just find something you genuinely enjoy and don’t feel pressured to do. I promise this helps when you’re feeling bored or out-of-control, but it also helps you to be more aware with your needs and wants. One of my hobbies, since the sun finally returned, is to go on walks and clear my head while listening to smutty audiobooks. Journaling is a great hobby not only to improve your writing skills and organize thoughts, but it also helps to keep your hands and mind busy rather fumbling with your phone. Our parents were absolutely right, that phone is a distraction from yourself and your goals and adds to the comparisons and fear you may already harbor inside.

We no longer live in a time of certainty, I personally don’t believe we ever did, but now more than ever a college degree does not a guarantee financial success nor financial freedom, rather than allowing that reality to stunt your growth use it as fuel for your fire. Whether you want a future in an office or on a stage don’t judge others for having different dreams, we should be encouraging one another to be the best we can be and sometimes that means cutting out the fat in our lives- removing the things, and even people who don’t serve you. I hate the mentality that because you’ve worked hard you deserve something, nobody deserves anything except freedom and respect (and water and those basic needs and rights that I often worry about). By having that mentality you create a lot of space for resentment, resenting those who you perceive to be less diligent or deserving. The truth is everyone is on their own path, you cannot compare one person’s work ethic to another, or one person’s career trajectory to another, so stop comparing your circumstance to those around you.

We are all different people on different paths working to achieve different goals, so focus on yourself. Success isn’t a final destination—it’s an ongoing journey and it’s a privilege just to board the plane. That is the best advice I could give to anyone about anything. If you are reading this and you are one of the people worried about life after years spent in the institutions of American education, congratulations! Be proud of yourself and celebrate your wins, too often we move the goal post further and further back before we even allow ourselves the chance to reach the first place mark. Take a deep breath and let that shit go, you can not change the past you can only influence the your future. You have so much time, it’s just up to you how much of it you wanna waste on the other stuff. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun or make mistakes, I encourage you to do that! Everything you've ever done—good, bad, or in between—holds a lesson. Time is the gift that allows you to understand it. You are on the verge of a whole new life chapter, don’t start reading ahead… maybe just skim the pages. Till next time, stay flirty, stay thirsty, and stay calm you have plenty of time!

See you soon,

Paige B.